Daphne Bennett

I have done a thing.

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  • Days are long, years are short.

    Days are long, years are short.

    Now my daughter is nearly 2. I have been here before 5 years ago. The crying, the tantrum, the breastfeeding in the night. And hell! Another year until I send her to nursery. Things have been hard. But unlike last time, I know they do pass and more aspects of my life are in a better position.

    Honestly, these days my sleep is so fragmented and I am dead tired.

    Yesterday morning I got up before my son and husband with her. And she wanted to watch Shh! We Have A Plan on Vimeo. The opera is based on one of her (my) favourite books, Shh! We Have A Plan by Chris Haughton. And she wanted to play with the puppet shown on the English Touring Opera’s YouTube channel we learnt to make together, it’s not a toy for a toddler so it had been torn and broken multiple times. So I fixed the broken parts for her and she was happy for 10 minutes. Hence the picture.

    Still she had thrown another 20 tantrums before 10am. But when days are difficult, I want to put those little happy moments in my sketch, because I want to remember them.

  • Trying again after 5 years.

    Trying again after 5 years.

    After 5 years I find I still want to keep a blog.

    After 5 years I am living with another soon-to-be 2 year old toddler and a 7-year-old growing little boy.

    After 5 years I am still living in Inverkeithing, but this time we have bought our own house with a sizeable garden.

    After 5 years I have learnt how to knit and crochet, and I have a dog and a garden to look after.

    After 5 years I still haven’t had half the time I wish I had, I am still overwhelmed by housework, nap-trapped by my toddler everyday. But they give me so much joy and meaning to my days. I can’t stop drawing them. And I still want somewhere to show them

    After 5 years I have started drawing and painting again, but I still don’t have a manageable schedule so I still am not able to finish my study or look for jobs or commissions.

    Recently I have watched a lot of Vlogs in the evening, I really enjoy them but I am too camera shy and YouTube doesn’t fit my personality at all. I have deleted Facebook and reduced my activities on instagram. Totally don’t feel I need to respond to another hashtag trend or call for art nonsense. I started only sending a few friends some work privately I do so I can get the satisfaction of being liked and seen. But in long run, I have no idea how self-promotion works. I decide to wait another month before I commit to buy a domain. Just play around and see how to layout of my portfolio looks like, try to find a voice I like.

    I know not many people blog anymore. All the better, less self-conscious about my terrible grammar.

    So, let’s see where we can get from here. 🙂

    update: I did think blog is dead since I been on instagram and Facebook far too much but I have just spent an hour on Bloglovin’, omg haven’t checked on it for a good 10 years! what have I missed! Definitely going to make this silly blogging think work, really like this much much much more than Instagram.

  • Bonne année

    Bonne année

    Happy new year!

    Like everybody, I want to make a list of New Year Resolutions on the first of January. The vibrate 2015 is over, and miraculously Bertie sleeps by 8pm tonight, giving me the rare chance to enjoy a glass of wine and a box of chocolate from my beloved ones at Christmas.

    For the new year, I carried the 30-lbs Bertie and walked over the hill, which is tremendous fun and joy in a winter morning. Catching my breathe, battling with the cold, I feel alive. This winter had been terribly wet and we feel trapped indoor most of the days. Whenever the chances come, whenever the sun shines, I feel like a poor indoor dog excited for exercise and adventure.

    2015 had been a tough year. Bertie is still growing out of his babyhood and adjusting himself to the limitation of this brand new world. My husband has gone through many changes in his career. We are still waiting to see where are we going to live in 2016. We have said goodbye to a few friends and attempted to make some new ones who we are getting ready to say goodbye again. I have completely no luck in doing paintings but I managed to create a few watercolour work that I am proud of. We still travelled a bit, but travelling is hell lot more stressful with a sensitive toddler. But all these makes life rather exciting. I have successfully quitted Facebook in order to maintain my sanity. I started wearing specs again. I have read quite a few good books. I am grateful that we had a brilliant summer and we went for walks and to the beaches regularly. I am glad that I am strong enough to carry Bertie. I am proud that I still breastfeeding Bertie against all the odds, matitis, social stress, etc. My faith in science and nature keeps me going.

    For the new year, there won’t be anything special. I hope I will be able to update this blog at least bi-weekly. I hope I will be able to type in French later this year. I do hope Bertie will start talking instead of crying in a few months, and recently seeing him trying to entertain himself without my help brings me great relief. I want to be able to find joy and love in every day life. Therefore, I am going to keep a journal consistently and diligently. I know part of me feel fulfilled for being Bertie’s mum, but the sleep deprivation is a constant battle. And the crying. And the whining.  It will pass. Bottom of my heart I know he will walk out of the door one day and never look back, like an image of the wild documentaries, except Christmas, hopefully. But as a carefree adult for a good few years, the transition to parenthood is one of the hardest thing I ever experience.

    May there be more love, less hatred and anger in the new year.

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    How you have grown.

  • Changing direction

       

    As you can see i am feeling a bit lost about what to blog. I want to be consistent but I am genuinely interested in a lot of things, baking, cooking, advocating for extended breastfeeding and cosleeping, gentle parenting,travelling, photography, politics, current affairs… You name it. But I would not be able to voice my experience and opinions above in an equally confident and well-researched manner. Plus, I will never have the time. And some topics are more sensitive than the other, I have no intention to argue or defend my practice or belief if people feel concerned or offended. Internet is a funny thing. It basically just reinforcing whatever you believe, so I see no point arguing about anything with anybody on social media.
    After a few months of observation and reflection, I decide it would be wise to focus on two things: books and painting. Books that Bertie likes, books that I am reading, and paintings that I am working on, with some occassional reflection on motherhood. That’s about it, really. Not too greedy, not too ambitious. Hope I will be about to manage better. 
    I have a few new drawings and book reviews can’t wait to share with you. Stay tuned.
    X

  • Just a little note while being very busy

    Life has been a mess for a while.

    My husband started working in a new job. I have some friends came to visit and stayed. I stayed over at my in-law for a long weekend. Sometimes Bertie sleeps like an angel but sometimes he is like a newborn all over again. Maybe because he sleeps better, maybe because I am engaging less on the internet, maybe because I haven’t done any painting in the last couple of months, I have finished a few novels. There is no greater joy than able to be concentrate on a book and rush to the end in a few days.

    Ups and downs. Life.

    Recently I am very nostalgic to the pre-baby life, the freedom and the possibilities to concentrate and get things done. I have read a lot of very painful stories in the news these days. I cannot make up my mind where to take the stand. I think that is just another part of me growing up, that I am never able to be sure that I know anything anymore. At some point of our lives, life doesn’t seem to increase, instead, it just happens on us. We are merely reacting passively to the consequence of our own impulsiveness and indecisiveness. That we submit to the meaninglessness of life, Like this silly reflection of mine won’t get anywhere, or mean anything in history. Whatever I think, doesn’t mean anything, at all.

    I am going to be 28 in a month time.

    I am more confused than ever about what am I supposed to understand about the world around me, about what am I supposed to tell my son when he asks me simple questions.

    What will be will be.

  • Summer with my toddler: Berry Picking

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    I do love this cheeky face.

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    Babywearing makes berry picking so easy!


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    Today Carl and I took Bertie to pick berries in the Craigies Farm in South Queensferry, just a short distance from Edinburgh. Bertie is still too young to walk and pick his own berries so Carl was carrying him all the way. Craigies Farm is the most family-friendly pick-your-own farm we have ever been to. There is a shop, a restaurant and a play park. Children can also visit the chicken and other animals. You can even collect your own eggs! We had a very lovely afternoon.


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    A    part from the usual we have decided to give this hand-made Chilli Jam a try. It tastes wonderful on a cheese sandwich! It is not spicy at all but it does have a sweet kick of the chillies.

    We are looking forward to revisiting them when the cherries are ready to pick. Hope that won’t take long!

    Craigies Farm
    West Craigie Farm South Queensferry Edinburgh EH30 9AR
    Phone: 0131 319 1048 | Fax: 0131 319 2148
    E-mail: john@craigies.co.uk

  • Back to reality

    It has been a good few days since I have returned from Hong Kong. Unfortunately there are many other things going on recently and I really need a little time to recollect myself. I am really not in the mood of sharing holiday photos or talking about what interesting things we have done.

    I have done this little drawing of my boy looking at the sea yesterday. The composition reminds me of the last shot of François Truffaut’s 400 Blows. Sometimes I feel like I am at the edge of the coast with nowhere to escape to.

    We are waiting for this storm to  be over. I know things will be back on track soon.

    sea

  • Launching Portfolio Site and other happy things

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    Bertie and his first balloon.

    I have been very excited about the brief Scottish summer and going out everyday with Bertie lately, wearing dresses and shorts! Little Bertie has discovered something new everyday and too busy to go to sleep early too. That leaves me little time to update this blog. Anyway, things have been good.

    printscreen1I have finally made up my mind using format.com as my portfolio site, hurray! My portfolio link is http://mamadaph.format.com. On this website you can easily check out my illustrations and also my oil paintings in my earlier year. I will update this whenever I can! Hope you find it easy to browse.

    And… I am recently quite busy preparing going to Hong Kong to see my family! I have prepared these lovely prints from printed.com to bring with me. They are printed on 300gm gesso paper, which is fabulous quality, just like watercolour paper. I received my order without any ado within 72 hours. I am very satisfied with their service.

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    I have also decorated each envelopes individually, hope my friends and family will like them.

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    Bertie is helping to decorate the envelopes too.

    wpid-wp-1433967542848.jpeg  I will be away for 10 days and hope I will have time to take some nice photos and update when I am there. If not, will do when I come back!

    I am still hoping to do more drawings and sell some prints later.

    Cheerio! xx

  • Growth Spurt

    Scan 20I made this drawing when my baby was still tiny, about 5 months old. Now he is 19 months. Still a baby, but a lot bigger and stronger. He is going through another growth spurt this week. He seems to eat quite a lot and nurse most of the time. He was not interested in the songs and activities in the baby groups and just has his mind on eating. It is really exhausting for a breastfeeding mummy.

    I never thought I would be able to nurse my baby for so long. I came from Hong Kong, a very unfriendly society when it comes from breastfeeding. I was also the kind of women thinks it is awkward when babies nurses beyond a year old. But I am quite proud that we are still very close and I have learnt a lot about breastfeeding and its benefit this year.

    Recently I recall someone says babies that are responded to promptly are less likely to cry later. Bertie is a relatively calm child, I wonder if it is because my husband and I firmly believe following our instinct to give him as much love and attention as a baby.

    Bertie looks so much more muscular even overnight throughout this growth spurt. I start missing him as a baby already. They say ‘they grow so fast’, don’t they?

  • One of the few things we have learnt as parents 1

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    Stars: Gouache and pencil on A4 Paper

    This is one of the drawings I did when I was pregnant.

    I am sure there is no quicker way to grow up than being parents. In retrospective, my husband and I seem to have turned into two completely different people after having Bertie. Like every new parent, we had a lot of false assumptions and wrong expectation about babies. As a modern female, I can’t help being lured by excitement of the colourful images of all the cute baby toys and clothes I could get. Yet, after he was born, we understand how fast they grow out of each size and stage and many toys and ‘must-haves’ are just products of consumerism. And we are surpirsed by how many ‘must-have’s are totally waste of money. I buy them just because I want to be a good parent like everybody and I don’t want my child have less than others, but not because he really needs them. I thought I could use all those baby gears to babysit my child but again and again he makes his point clear: all he needs is my time. We learn to resist impulsive shopping as parents and try to spend more time reading to him, sit on the floor doing nothing with him, stop thinking about things that we’d rather be doing, and give him as much cuddle as he needs instead.

    Being a parent is definitely a journey full of surprises and tears. Carl and I are still at the beginning of it. I hope we learn to be more patient and lovable people as each new day teaches us.