I have bought the domain! Part of my new year resolutions, get back on blogging regularly and consume less. I am hoping blog at least once a week to record my kids’ growth and my life in general, things that I am working on, other blogs, movies and books that I enjoy, things I treasure. My family is preparing to move again in the new year, and later hopefully I can get back to learning to drive. This is going to be a busy new year. Lots on the to-do list. I am both excited and scared.
I have made these decisions: write more and spend less than on social media, thanks to a few artists I followed these years, that includes the Julia Bausehardt and Holly Exley who created brilliant YouTube videos reflecting on the shortcomings of social media, the tyranny of algorium. I have run 4 different instagram accounts because it seems you should stick to one topic in order to be seen, and I have run a Facebook page which I never have enough time to update and make any smart remarks that can make myself popular.
Special thanks to My Giant Strawberry‘s blog advices gave me the courage and inspiration to start from scratch again. And now I am using the WordPress.com personal plan, special thanks to their technical support is surprisingly quick to answer my questions.
Rambling nonsense when I should be focusing on my homework.
I know blogging isn’t popular at all. Although there are a few diligent bloggers, many have dropped out years ago when social media takes over. I have started blogging since my teenage, on and off, more off than on. And every now and then, I wish I had a consistent blog of 5 years, 10 years, no matter how out of fashion it is, or not.
It’s 10pm. I am still waiting for my wee girl to go to sleep. And I have a demanding essay that I have to hand in, an impending deadline ahead of me.
Facebook & Instagram used to be fun. But recently I notice many people I actively (or passively) follow disappeared on my fb feed, replaced by more and more ads and repeated contents, contents that I have seen multiple times. And instead of showing me people that I follow, Instagram also shows me far too many ads and “suggestions”. They are always controversial and now it’s obvious they are not even fun enough to kill time anymore.
Even if one isn’t not looking for new followers, aiming to get thousands of likes in every post, one still must update daily, weekly, use the right hashtags to have people already following you to see your posts. And use the right new functions, the reels, the stories to keep oneself ‘relevant’. Honestly I don’t have the time for it. I am just a mum, whose schedule is impossibly tight and painfully unpredictable and dictated by everyone arouns me, whose days are soul destroyingly boring and unproductive. I draws when I have time, I need a creative outlet, I need to put one word after another to make sense of the world, I want some feedback but but I won’t have enough time to update regularly to please the algorithm.
On the other hand, do I really need feedback? A cheering team? A tutor who can point out I need to improve my writing style? A professor to show me my spelling mistakes? It’s just my ordinary life, what feedback do I need? I wouldn’t ask my friends to get email notifications from me whenever I write a few lines. I am too shy for people I know see my grammatical mistakes and messy composure. It is impossible to be nakedly honest to everyone all the time (that’s why we care how we dress!). Blogging and diary keeping do feel like shouting into a void, but maybe that’s what I need. A void to suck in all my negativity.
As we are entering a new year, I can see more clearly I am not actively starting a business, trying to sell anything, attract any attention to seek commission work or opportunities. I have a plate full of housework, uni work and baby duties, anything, literally anything more than I am already doing, will tip over and prove itself unachievable and disappointing (which honestly, that’s what I have seen in 2021).
So this is another year. Another year of being a fulltime mum. Another year of trying and failing. But maybe this is really the year I can start the blog I want myself to read in the future. I am going to upgrade and get a domain this month, but I am going to write about anything and everything I want to read later, without thinking whether I can attract the right audience, or if it will help me in what ways in the future.
Still half an hour before getting ready for school. 21x21cm pencil
不知不覺已經是2022年! (非常cliché)
新的一年我沒有什麼大志，一年到尾每天也要湊仔，洗衫煮飯陪玩陪瞓，lego火車執完又執，到晚上兩個小朋友睡了我才開始catch up大學的功課，然後又嘗試早兩個小時起身繼續做功課，還有時間沖涼已很有ambition，所以我真的有心無力keep up with the social media game。在2021年下半年我完成了一本sketch journal，那是我很自豪的一件事。其他的，隨緣了。
這張畫是今年第一張在新的sketchbook畫起的畫，是一天早上我看到bertie 早起床還有半小時才要換衫上學的放空時間，看他的關於宇宙的書， 那一頁的標題是《The Life Cycle of Stars》。juno看著窗外太陽升起陽光照在小鎮的教堂外牆。太陽是恒星，相比起渺小的我們，和我們的悲喜，是永恒的，;教堂大概百年前在這裡，百年後仍屹立此地，但相對他們這個年紀，胖胖的臉龐，甚麼也笑大半天的幼稚氣，就像影射在教堂的日光，在各種家務和沉悶煩鎖事匆匆忙忙中，一轉身就不會再見了。
It’s 2022 before you know it! (What a cliché)
I am not able to have much new year resolutions, every day is the same: same old laundry, cooking, breastfeeding the 2-year-old, changing nappies, teaching my 8-year-old everyday, along side with my OU degree assignments after both kids gone to sleep (and before they get up ). I am happy if I manage to have a shower eberyday. In the 2nd half of 2021 I have managed to keep and finish a sketchbook journal. I am trying to start on my phone. I am not able to paint and update social media like many artists or blogger , I don’t see where it will lead to.
This is the first completed drawing in my sketchbook this year. One morning, Bertie got up early and there was still half an hour before he had to get change and he was just idly reading on his bed, the title on the page is “The Life Cycle of Stars”. Juno was looking out at the window. The sun was rising and shining on the church of our little town. The sun is a star. It lasts eternally compared to every thing. The church will be probably still standing where it is a hundred years later. But Bertie and Juno, their laughters and silliness, the churbiness of their cheeks, seem to be that fleeting morning sun over the humble little town we are living in. Yes, the day is always filled with never-ending housework and mundane but difficult tasks, but you’ll just miss what makes it endurable once you turn away and rush back to the grinder.
Busy busy busy with kids still. Juno has just turned two and maybe it’s me or maybe it’s the two year old curse, she has been a bit difficult, to put it mildly, and I am more overwhelmed than anytime last 2 years. Still easier than the days when I went solo with Bertie and Carl was away.
These 3 drawings are some of my latest. A bit of visual diary. There are so much restriction and limitation for me to draw, time is scarce, attention is fragmented, if not impossible, most of the time I can’t sit at my desk for a long stretch of time before someone looking for me.
I will have to redo the top one. This picture is how I wriggle through some of my days, to knit, to read, to do some drawing, and before you know it, she is up again demanding to nurse. I am trying to wean her off in the night, but it isn’t easy at all. She always cries and gets up at 4, which isn’t a great alternative either. I like this picture but the details aren’t well-planned enough and I struggle to finish it.
Lower right is my Bertie. It’s my first watercolour sketch for a while. I need more work getting the scale and colours and everything right.
Lower left is Juno again. I still do pencil sketch of her when she naps whenever possible, for I know very well soon it will all be over.
By the end of last month I have received an email from Artful revealing the new artful box’s content: soft pastel. I am still quite happy to pay £35 for this edition although soft pastel wasn’t on the list of things I am going to buy. Bring it on, consumerism!
I received my 3rd Artful box last weekendIt contains a box of 24 colours soft pastel, 6 pastel pencil, some blending sticks, a brush, a pencil, 4 cards, 1 multimedia pad (300gsm) and a magazine.
About 6 years ago I went to London and visited an art show with a friend. I saw someone demonstrating using soft pastels there. So I was intrigued and purchased some Conte a Paris pastels and a pack of warm colour and a pack of cold colour Daler Rowney pastel paper, A4, some Winsor and Newton fixative. I bought a book too, landscape pastel drawing. I found pastel very difficult to master and I wasn’t keen (or had any chances) to learn landscape/ plain air drawing, and the platte of my first purchase wasn’t wide enough for me to do much either, so they were mostly put away and forgotten.
I never believe things happen for a reason. But the pastels and paper I bought years ago do compensate what the Artful box is missing.
First, why do they insist giving white paper? Because it’s hard for soft pastel to cover textured paper evenly, most artists prefer paper with some sort of colours, beige and grey are popular choices, and the warm coloured paper I have, ranging from red to pink and orange, or the cool coloured paper, ranging from blue to green. Reason why is that the white on a perfectly white paper always shines through the darkest shadows when using pastels, its very difficult to look professional. You also do need some kind of fixative to keep the colour in place otherwise it will all go messy. Some people use hairspray.
Second is, among their 24 pastels, none of them is good for a flesh tone. So it is difficult to do portraits. But luckily I do have a couple in my Conte a Paris set. I do think the Conte a Paris soft pastels are a touch softer than the Artful box. One thing I don’t like about Artful is they don’t have much product information of the paints apart from the RRP, which can be anything they suggest really. They only says they are of premium artist quality which can be very subjective. I guess they are made in China. I am not saying they are bad, but some more information (like lightfastness) will be useful. Now I am eagerly looking out on eBay for the Swiss brand Caran D’ache soft pastels. And perhaps a wooden soft pastel storage box.
One thing I am really impressed with is there’s no single piece of useless plastic packaging or even paper wrapping in this box. It is tightly fitted with all the goodies.
If you haven’t used soft pastels before, unlike watercolour or pencil drawings, do bear in mind it can be very dusty, messy and hard to control. You will need plenty of space and perhaps some kind of protection for the surface around. But I am a very messy person so I don’t mind too much.
And the magazine is as good as always, this time it features interesting artists like the hyperrealistic pastel artist Ruben Belloso, abstract artist Janine Baldwin, animal drawing artist whose work will be featured on the upgrade box Rachel Bee. Getting the magazine is part of the reason why I want this box.
My daughter particularly loves the cat drawing tutorial and keeps saying ‘mao-mao’ at that page.
So, cut the long story short. This is my first 2 attempts with pastels:
Juno in bonnet and a pink dress, soft pastel on Daler Rowney 160gsm warm colour paper 305x228mmJuno Sitting on Penny soft pastel on Daler Rowney 160gsm warm colour paper 305x228mm
What I have learnt is, I need bigger paper for portraits because it is very hard to work on the skin tones and facial expression. I wanted to do one with my son and my daughter on a see-saw but it is impossible. It is my first attempt painting my dog and I do like the loose effect with soft pastels. I think the paper is the most important element when using soft pastels, the size, the colour, the texture, they all matter so much.
Apart from paper, I am blown away by the difference that a few pastel pencils can make, they help making the finer details possible and I am convinced that I need a few more. I am glad Artful box chose soft pastel as the theme for this season and I am curious when they will be able to ship their upgrade box. I just feel the urgent need to get more colours in order to create better work. With pastels if you don’t have the right colour you have to blend. And that will get messy, sometimes unintentional consequences. But I didn’t know I like soft pastels. Now I love it. These are my first 2 attempts and I am looking forward to trying more this kind of drawing.
On the other hand, it’s always said among illustrators that it’s important to find your own unique style and stick to it. I haven’t worked out how I can merge my new experience into my other work, but I am sure with time it will get better and I will find a style I can work consistently with.
For the box itself, I think it is great fun and good value for £35. If you are interested, do send me a message and let me know and I can send you a promo link hence both of us can get £5 off. 😉
That day I took my children and Penny to see the Flying Scotsman. We waited on the bridge for it to pass for a quarter of an hour. It’s a long 15 min when I had to carry the younger one and keep her emotionally stable, keep the dog under control, and answer Bertie’s endless questions about random things in the universe. My head always feels it’s about to explode. We saw the train. I wouldn’t say it’s some kind of ‘unforgettable family experience’. I guess the kids had forgotten about it soon after. We kept walking. Another day. This is how it feels like everyday. So I painted it and at least we have something more than a photo on my google drive. This is how summer holiday feels like when you were 7, when you were 1.
I have started updating my Facebook page. Hoping to let my friends see my work (rather than any kind of self-promotion) but to my disappointment the reach is so low, I don’t think even my friends see my posts on their newsfeed. I think that’s the way Facebook lure you to pay for ads but I am not intending to because I do not have time for freelance or to run this as a business for the time being. I like writing Chinese/Cantonese but Facebook is such an unreliable platform to get my friends read my stuff. Maybe I still update it regularly (but I really don’t have time/energy/content) to update daily.
The days with children are always long. Especially in the summer holidays. My son has gone back to school for 1.5 weeks already.
Every morning feels like this. Knackered before the day started. One coffee after another.
Recently I have finished one commission work and working on another one. I am not quite sure if it’s the right thing to do. I feel very uneasy with this kind of commission. My client seems to be happy.
My daughter loves drawing on top of my sketches. She likes to draw circles around the eyes.
I did a quick pencil drawing as a present for a friend.
still drawing, still knitting, still studying, still struggling with life, kids, they just take up so much time but give you so much joy.
All join in! After dinner the kids were playing on the floor. I naively thought I could finally sit down and draw them quietly. But Juno stood up immediately and insisted drawing on my sketch book, then Bertie joins in to draw his sci-fi fantasy. So we sat together until bedtime.
For the paint, I am very satisfied with Derwent’s pastel paint pan, a handy gouache collection 12 pastel colours. I did worry it would be too girly but the colours are so beautiful, I can’t do without them now. For the darker colours I use the Van Gogh watercolours by the Dutch brand Royal Talens. Both Derwent and Van Gogh are very budget friendly with high lightfast rating. They work very well together and I am using both everyday.
I have taken advantage of the Scrawlrbox and got some new Posca and Derwent Pencils. With the limited palette I started some super quick and simple drawings and I am quite happy with it. Recently I have rediscovered pencil colours, as they are clean and very versatile, and I can use them when I am nap-trapped by Juno. I have hardly touched my only set of Daler-Rowney watercolour pencils since HKCEE, which was gifted by one of my classmates. Perhaps I had always looked down on colour pencils, thinking they belong to kindergarten. But there’s always a sense of silliness and childishness when I draw these days, especially I really don’t have the time to achieve anything delicate and professional looking.
It’s Bertie’s last week of summer holidays. I feel like we have done nothing but there was no time to sit down and relax at all. I still draw nearly everyday but both my time and attention are so fragmented, I need to look after my dangerous and emotional toddler whatever I am doing (even at this very minute). I only hope I can record these days when I still feel and remember them. On the other hand, I haven’t found a comfortable voice of mine to update this page or a website regularly, so compared to drawing, updating on social media is more difficult.
I painted this one on an A3 watercolour paper. I hadn’t bought any new ones at that time. And this piece of paper suffered from water damage. Cockled, that’s the new term I have just learnt. I have no idea when it happened.
I hope I will do this one again. Because I don’t know how to draw trees. And I want to develop a palette making this drawing more atmospheric and less realistic.
As a mother of two, I don’t spend half as much time as I would like to with my son anymore. He used to be my night and day, my left and right. Now it’s always about the wee one. And ya, she is cute, and he can get a bit boring with his War of the Worlds obsession, and right, I am slightly annoyed by how much time he likes to spend on the computer.
I signed up a summer forest school day with him with Forth Pilgrim and we spent a whole day together a couple of week ago. He still enjoys my company, he still enjoys spending time together doing outdoor things. When it was lunch time, I helped him to climb on a tree, and I did myself too, so we sat side by side on a tree for half an hour. I didn’t really pack much lunch for him. But he was very happy, giggling away. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He just wanted to spend half an hour sitting on the tree with me. Hence this painting.
*
Every year it seems I have gone through this cycle, possibly a few times: Really want to paint and write. Paint and write for a month. Obsessively look for information. Telling everybody I am trying again. Don’t really see the point of trying know I don’t have that much time and resources. Losing faith. Give up. Wanting to try again a few months later. And now I am a bit worried about this will soon happen again.
I have bought quite a bit of art supply last month and I still haven’t tested them all. I am very grateful we are now in a financial situation spending a few extra quid isn’t a problem. I was thinking about writing reviews and comparison. And I know I haven’t learnt enough to judge. I haven’t even got much technique. I have stopped reading much about art for a long time apart from the free stuff online. There’s no special insight I can provide.
In the middle of each drawing I am worried I won’t find motivation and inspiration again. And what for? who is paying for them? What am I shouting into a void for? What is the purpose? This morning when I got up I felt like I had hit hard on that wall again, And worse, my mum called today. Tough one.
I am doing another drawing that I quite like. And I do have another one in mind. I’d better finish them before I run out of enthusiasm.
Daphne Bennett 