Daphne Bennett

I saw this free dinner and networking event organized by Women In Tech York a while ago and booked a ticket. I thought I would go to York after dropping the kids off and spend all day in York basking in the sun and whatever the city has to offer, then attend the dinner in the evening.

But I later I learnt I had to drop my kid in town and pick him up at 3pm. I was a bit disappointed. I decided to go to the cinema after dropping him in town.

I watched The Invite, written and directed by Olivia Wilde. I don’t know much about Olivia Wilde, am only aware that she was in House (who left the most impression on my teenage self) and shares the same surname with Oscar Wilde. I watched the trailer on YouTube and decided this is not the kind of films I should invite a mummy friend to watch with. The comments are really good, I was not aware of A24 before but I am a fan now.

The film started with an Oscar Wilde’s quote, about love and marriage (you can’t ignore her initials and her surname are the same as his, hence, the opening line is really cute), and it is the kind of movie that works very well on a stage as the whole film was shot within the same pale blue/ duck egg colour apartment, every wall was filled with books and fancy art pieces – a very controlled, calculated environment and all four actors are like caged animals that couldn’t escape, each tried to find their place in this cage and carefully exert superiority over one another.

Angela invited her new upstairs neighbours, Hawk and Pina, who were believed to be making unbearable animal noises night after night over the bedroom of the apartment Joe and her shares a family. Their daughter Maggie is having a sleepover at a friend’s, whom Angela has checked – single mum, no weapon and no male in the house. She couldn’t leave the dishes in the sink and can’t have her husband start nibbling on the food before the guests arrives. She never made a souffle and went above and beyond to conquer this unknown territory. Being a great cook is definitely not on the cards but she was trying to prove she was a great host by displaying a massive brunch of carefully arranged flowers in a vase on the coffee table, which she had to move because no one can see each other once they sit down. However, their guest had another proposal in mind, an offer that they didn’t expect.

Again this is a story about wanting to be someone else. Be in someone else’s skin. About midlife crisis and perimenopause? Miserable couples unable to find joy in life as things are so boring and easy to complain about. It is much easier to count on things that could have been than things that one has already got. Who wouldn’t like to live in such a fancy flat in San Francisco with a neoclassical entrance and teach music in a conservatory? And at what point do we draw the line to say that this is the end of the road? That we no longer love our partner, and we would rather flip it over and sleep with strangers?

And the going-extra-immaculate-mile-on-everything-that-no-sane-person-would-bloody-care. Angela, who overdoes her hairstyle and tried on multiple outfits last min before her guests arrived, was so glad that someone appreciates the rug (obviously she had to downplay the cost), the paintings on the walls, standing in the bath to show off the retiling of the bathroom, her own artwork when she once had a dream, while asking for a stranger’s opinion and approval for her decorating, whom obviously lived a very different life compared to her. To connect with anyone for approval. The wish to be disassociated with failed dreams. The desire to be desired, to be understood, to be looked at. To be the centre of the picture for once, not just a piece of furniture that came with the house, like Joe’s once-beloved piano. To be ‘open’ in order to be accepted, in anything.

Again, this is a movie like a mirror for someone like me. It was an immensely enjoyable film for me and I am sure it resonates with many. I must admit I am not sick of my life enough to want or agree to a sex party. As a deadly anxious person, I know, I just know, how awful it is and how awful I can be. There are many scenes I laughed because I know I am that prick. And when Angela went ‘Oh you stupid cunt… No no, not you, I mean myself, I always talk to myself out loud’ in an intimate moment, I was like, wow, someone knows how it is like living in my skin.

Second movie I watched in a row that ended with the main character playing the piano after refusing to play for years. Maybe this is the sign for me that I need to buy a keyboard piano.

Women In Tech York contents in next post.