Daphne Bennett

In 3 days it will be my birthday. I will be 3

36 has been a strange year. I have never done so much in a year, I think.

I have started a Substack last year, before I started working, and a website/blog a couple of years ago, then I ran away and have hardly done anything about either of them. I was busy but that’s not the reason. I think it’s because writing about myself is hard, it’s harder than my uni assignments, it’s harder than writing work emails, CVs and cover letters for a job, it’s harder than learning to code.

Only a couple of weeks ago I have applied for a role as a caseworker for the new local MP. I did not think I would get the position, but boy, I got it. At the moment I am waiting for the Security Clearance to come through. I am sure it won’t be a problem but waiting is never easy. In psychology terms, I am dipping into the B-process.

Let’s get back to where it all started.

Only a year ago I started working as a round-the-clock support worker for a care facility for adults with profound disability and complex needs with the council. It is the first contracted job I got in this country, for the last 14 years, and I was so grateful that I got A JOB. I had also signed up to complete my final year reading Art History in Open University. The care role was highly personal but it did not bother me. It was a new world to me and I had learnt a lot. One of most important things I have learnt is, I don’t have to like something to do it well or stay inquisitive and motivated. But I started growing listless in the care role and looked for other opportunities. I started volunteering in the local Citizens Advice. I saw an opening in both Citizens Advice and a local charity in October, I applied both positions. First I had an interview with Citizens Advice as a debt caseworker trainee, neither my experience or interview performance shown that I was for the job. Never mind. I did not heard back from the charity position I applied for until December. They invited me for a job interview and a week later, they called me back to tell me although they have chosen someone else that fit the description of the position better, they are willing to open a new position to accommodate me. I was over the moon, but in the very same week, my husband lost his job due to restructuring of the company. So I had no choice but to stay in the care role (18h contracted, easily goes up to 35h a week on average, plus wake-and-watch or sleep-in), start working in my new office role (16h, and study art history at the same time.

It took me 4 months to quit the care position, because I just could not finish uni working 50 hours a week, plus night shifts, plus childcare responsibilities at home, anymore. In March, I applied for a causal position in children service in the council and TechUP Women course in Durham University. I successfully pocketed both. I handed in my final dissertation- comparing postmodernist and modernist architecture – at 11:57am 23/05/24. I didn’t think much of it. And it was the end of my journey with Open University.

On 22nd June, I met my cohort, tutors and course organisers of TechUP women in Durham University. I believe I am the only one from Darlington. Some of them are from Manchester, some Leeds, some Newcastle. It was stressful for me to meet so many new faces and I felt everyone is doing better than me in life. I met Prof Sue Black OBE, she is a living legend who came from such difficult upbringing, her journey is so touching and inspiring. I met Michelle, who lives in Newcastle and later on we stay friends, sharing every WTF and OMG with each other. I have also met Grace Ademola-Adenle, who is my very patient but very cool tutor, I really enjoyed every week seeing them. I have started learning Python & SQL, and taking short courses in IBM, Cisco and Code First Girl.

Back to the office position in the local charity. It was the first time I work in an office, from receptionist to admin to promotional tasks. I was not the most organised person in the world but working with colleagues with varying abilities and preference, I have learnt a lot from other people’s ways of working. I was reasonably settled in my position in the local charity, but that didn’t stop me from applying for an office role in the local children theatre and couldn’t get it. I was offered a causal customer service role, and I accepted it, for free theatre tickets. My husband started working in June, but he works in Manchester 3 days a week. It’s never been easy, but I soldier on. Throughout the summer I also work as event setup and crowd control with the Council’s Events Team for events like 10K run, cycling events, Pride and setting up sand play area in the town centre. So I have one 3-day a week office role, and 3 causal positions.

Late July, 2 months after I handed in my dissertation, I learnt that I did better than I thought, and 3 markers agreed that I deserve a 78 score in my final assignment. I received a 2.1, which means I am able to pursue further study, or taking part in the Civil Service Fast Stream Schemes etc. I was still full of doubt, what use is an Arts and Humanities Degree? I learnt that the tools are only as useful as you are willing to use them. And how to use these tools is also a learning process to me.

One of the weekly tasks when I was studying in TechUP is reflective log. Many computer courses also suggest keeping a blog to record your personal and professional development. Consistency is key. During TechUP, we are prompted to take a moment to think about what I have learnt this week and how it relates to my interest and my aspiration. I grew up in a chaotic family where my mum is a bipolar narcissist. Now as an adult, I thrive in chaos and changes, but I am very uncomfortable when talking about myself or even showing affections/ emotions. But you can’t join the dots to figure out what’s going on in your life without mindfully looking back, you can’t pick a path without asking yourself ‘Do I even like it?’, and you can’t know your place in the world without interacting with others, not just passively browsing. I am still worried about by opening my mouth, by leaving a mark on the canvas, I display my ignorance, vulnerability and weakness that will come back to haunt me. I am still finding an appropriate way to express myself.

To understand what tools I have and what to do with them, I started keeping a journal since August and it is still going strong. I get up an hour earlier than my children to review things that I have learnt the day before and things I am grateful about, and write down important things that need doing, in what order. It has been working quite well.

Now in October, I have finished my TechUP course. I will have to write in details about this in another post, as you see this post is getting ridiculously long. But it’s been a long year!

At this moment and time, getting back to blogging/ Substacking, weekly, to record my learning is one of the tasks I am on. And yes I do have a lot to say, I am learning to figure out how to. Thanks for reading my rumbling. Happy 37.