Daphne Bennett

I painted this one on an A3 watercolour paper. I hadn’t bought any new ones at that time. And this piece of paper suffered from water damage. Cockled, that’s the new term I have just learnt. I have no idea when it happened.

I hope I will do this one again. Because I don’t know how to draw trees. And I want to develop a palette making this drawing more atmospheric and less realistic.

As a mother of two, I don’t spend half as much time as I would like to with my son anymore. He used to be my night and day, my left and right. Now it’s always about the wee one. And ya, she is cute, and he can get a bit boring with his War of the Worlds obsession, and right, I am slightly annoyed by how much time he likes to spend on the computer.

I signed up a summer forest school day with him with Forth Pilgrim and we spent a whole day together a couple of week ago. He still enjoys my company, he still enjoys spending time together doing outdoor things. When it was lunch time, I helped him to climb on a tree, and I did myself too, so we sat side by side on a tree for half an hour. I didn’t really pack much lunch for him. But he was very happy, giggling away. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He just wanted to spend half an hour sitting on the tree with me. Hence this painting.

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Every year it seems I have gone through this cycle, possibly a few times: Really want to paint and write. Paint and write for a month. Obsessively look for information. Telling everybody I am trying again. Don’t really see the point of trying know I don’t have that much time and resources. Losing faith. Give up. Wanting to try again a few months later. And now I am a bit worried about this will soon happen again.

I have bought quite a bit of art supply last month and I still haven’t tested them all. I am very grateful we are now in a financial situation spending a few extra quid isn’t a problem. I was thinking about writing reviews and comparison. And I know I haven’t learnt enough to judge. I haven’t even got much technique. I have stopped reading much about art for a long time apart from the free stuff online. There’s no special insight I can provide.

In the middle of each drawing I am worried I won’t find motivation and inspiration again. And what for? who is paying for them? What am I shouting into a void for? What is the purpose? This morning when I got up I felt like I had hit hard on that wall again, And worse, my mum called today. Tough one.

I am doing another drawing that I quite like. And I do have another one in mind. I’d better finish them before I run out of enthusiasm.

oh dear oh dear.